Research!

One of the things I love most about what I do is all the wacky stuff I can get away with for the sake of "research".  A lot of people don't realize the amount of work involved when it comes to playing roles; researching where they are from, how they speak, carry themselves, what childhood trauma they suffered to shape their neurosis and so on...

I've had some pretty out-there experiences for the sake of research for my roles and my writing...I hung out at a mental institution for 2 weeks when researching schizophrenia, lived in an artist commune with 17 people and 2 bathrooms, I've even done foot fetish modeling - I made a couple hundred dollars for letting someone takes pictures of my feet while smooshing a twinkie between my toes (I was fully clothed minus the socks) - yes, people are sick. 

My director advised me to watch Get Him To The Greek to help research the slimy British musician to help me with one of the characters in my show.  I watched it last night and all I have to say is "Keep stroking the wall.  This is what all pussy used to look like in the 70's".

Research...right?

GAME ON!

I had a revelation while recording my poem "Fuck With Me" in the studio on Monday night...Something just kinda clicked and it occurred to me that I WILL make this show happen, in LA and NY....because I SAY SO!  Like in season 7 of Buffy when she was fighting Caleb and she had no chance against him, he defeated her episode after episode...until she simply decided in herself that she would win...and so she did.

Well kids, that's what I decided for myself.  The next day I booked my theater space in LA for January 11 & 12, 2011; I have had wonderful support on http://www.kickstarter.com/ where people can make a donation to help me get to NY....One week in and I've raised 15% of my target (thanks to all my supporters, I can't do it without you)...

It's pretty amazing how one small shift in the mind can make so many huge differences.  GAME ON!

Faking It

Well, this month I've had to go shoppinng for a fake engagement ring and a fake wedding dress for roles...I think it might be more fun than searching for the real ones because there is no pressure...I have enough trouble packing for an over night, let alone choosing something that I'm supposed to wear until I die.  And the dress, why is it women spend the most amount of money on the only dress we can only possibly wear once?  It's a good thing the holiday mad shopping rush is here so I didn't have time to get sentimental in my search...

I often joke about how there are so many variables in an actress' life, the one thing she can always count on are her "fake boyfriends" - the guy who played opposite you in the shoot that just wrapped, the guy playing your husband in scene study class or your love interest for the show you're in rehearsals for...I guess that's one of the setbacks of this solo show...I play all my fake boyfriends, and you know what...it's kinda hard faking it by myself.

Drunk in the Cargo Van

Drunk in the Cargo Van
Laid flat, on my back,
In the back, behind a shack,
Experiencing a severe lack in judgement...
Sitting, waiting, anticipating,
Almost hating what's to come.
Dirty pleasure makes love ugly
And sin snuggly against my skin...
A sudden stop, my heart drops
My nipples pop erect
Cold sweat, wet lips, juice drips between my legs...
My loneliness begs for attention.
Beyond my body, a tortured soul
Losing control, desperately clinging
In my mind singing.

Drunk in the Cargo Van marked the beginning for me...I had been writing poetry since Jr. High but this piece was a major turning point in my writing...and I guess in myself...it was the beginning of my "Year of the Slut"- it was the first dirty/sexy piece of writing that spilled out of me.  And 6 re-writes later, no matter how badly I want to fit it in my show, it just doesn't work...

Oh well, off to find a wedding dress.

MIND TRIP

I had a huge realization this weekend while talking to Hot Stuff...who moved recently.  We were talking about how moving really isn't such a big deal, like sure it is for a week or so until you get settled, but after a few days you kinda forget about it all.  DING DING DING!!!  All the THINKING about the show and getting to New York is what's freaking me out...I just have to move my ass full force ahead and get on with it...the DOING it is a way less bigger deal than the whole thinking about "how the hell am I gonna get this done". 

Take the whole back flip thing for example...I've been back flipping since I was about 5.  I've never really thought about it, I've just run, tumbled, flung my body into the air full force and voila - backflip.  If I ever had to sit down and try and figure out how the hell to do one, I don't think I would have ever learned a cartwheel.

Panic, No Disco

Time keeps on slipping...into the future...

This week instead of having a meltdown, well in addition to it I went the Theater - 2 solo shows.  It was the best idea I had in a while.  The first show was about a guy who got busted smuggling a kilo of cocaine from Miami to LA 25 years ago...The second one was about a girl from Singapore overcoming her culture and finding happiness in America.

Both stories were totally inspiring and the performances were funny as hell despite the content.

I've gotten so lost in all the administrative details of getting my show together I had forgotten a few things - like how I live to be on a stage in front of a live audience, the magic that happens in a theater when you take an audience on a journey and how I've always fantasized about doing "it" on a stage when the theater is empty...

Instead of letting myself drown in paperwork what I need to focus on is how nothing in the world turns me on more than being on stage and creating something out of nothing and I'll be fine...no I will be fabulous!